oh my head and heart hurt.

remember this little darling? if not, this is mesaana. i adopted her when i lived in sacramento, her owners were going to get rid of her because they were pregnant and afraid she'd get the baby sick. evs.
so i took her in, and i loved her. she was the coolest cat. she made living in sacramento, so far away from my friends and family, almost bearable. she was there waiting for me when i got home every day, ready to cuddle as soon as i sat down for a second. she loved to play. when i held her, she'd go completely limp so she'd slip through my arms to the ground and freedom. she was awesome.
when i was working in new orleans, she got out of the house unnoticed, and it was a couple weeks before i found out and was able to start searching. i got home and immediately put signs up around the neighborhood. i got a lead, a neighbor recognized her, said she'd picked her up on the street and taken her to animal control. i went to animal control and looked through their records, and found her! but she'd already been transferred to the SPCA. i went next door to SPCA, they remembered her, because she was so awesome that she was only on the adoption floor for an hour. someone else had already taken my girl home. heartbroken, i begged them to help me get her back. they pretty much told me that if i was capable of losing her, then i wasn't capable of caring for her. i was an unfit mother. but at least she had a home, people who'd chosen her to be a part of their family. there are far worse fates for cats who get loose on the corner of castro and duboce.
the people who adopted her, now they have a kid, and he's allergic to cats, so she got dumped again. and fit or not, the SPCA kept my phone number in the file.
i want to go get her, so badly it hurts. but i have a full house now. including a 15 year old cat, my oldest friend, and my priority. she would be distraught if i brought home another creature to compete for my attention. she's already a little iffy about sophie. i'm heartbroken, again.
i hate the SPCA. they took a cat from someone who loved her, someone who doesn't see any possible valid reason for returning a pet to a shelter, told me i'm an unfit mother, broke my heart, and now they're calling and making me make this decision and breaking my heart all over again.
this just seems evil.
they're horrible.